BFF

Last night I spent hours in the ICU sitting with my mother, holding her hand and reminiscing about old times ~ the things we did just the two of us, the adventures we had in her little “Porsche”, the movies she took me to as a child (I remember she even sneaked me into ‘A Star Is Born’!), our tiffs over silly things.

She was on the ventilator, struggling to breathe yet my beautiful, sweet, strong and positive mother was chatting away and laughing at my stories.

As she always does.

Then out of the blue she said to me, “In-In, you are my BFF”, gripping my hand harder.

I wanted to break down and cry because this amazing superwoman now so weakened by cancer is truly my BFF and it kills me to see her this way.  Being her only daughter, we confided in each other, shared so many things like friends do… because she doesn’t have any sisters either.  We were each other’s confidante.  My friends would bump into Mummy and me around town and those who didn’t know what my mother looks like would ask,”who’s this friend of yours?” (It helped that Mum never looked her age, she could always easily pass for being 15 years younger than her true age.) I loved to see the look of surprise on their faces when I introduced her and told her that she’s my mother.

In wanting to bawl my eyes out, I had to suppress a giggle too.. at her use of the slang/hip term of “best friends forever”. She was always on the ball, my Ma, with the hip vernacular expressions of the day.

Yes, Ma… we are BFFs…forever and ever. No one else can ever come close.

When I was about to leave, she took my hand and put it against her cheek. “In-In, Mummy minta maaf for everything.”

I lost it. I managed to choke out a “No Ma.. In yang kena minta maaf for so many things” before I hurriedly left because I didn’t want her to see me bawl.

I sat in my car in the car park till I couldn’t cry anymore.

Advertisements

6 thoughts on “BFF

  1. Sangat2 heartbreaking. I am so sorry you had to go through this. We all do.. at some point in our lives, I suppose. May Allah grant you and your BFF strength. *big hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  2. This is so heartbreaking and timely. Been forgetting that my mom is getting on some and needs my presence and support a lot more than usual. #mataberhabuk.

    You are truly lucky to find a BFF in your mommy, In-in. *HUGS*

    Like

    • Itulah.. now I am regretting all those times I wasn’t at her side when I could have been… Life just “takes” us away sometimes… dengan benda tahapa2, makes us neglect what is truly important.

      *hugs*

      Like

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s